


Cinderella Dressed in Yella

by Anorlost



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Hux is insecure, Insults, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 18:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14624130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: A mysterious man appears at a First Order social and nobody knows who he is.  Could he be a spy?  All Kylo Ren knows is he wants the spy to himself, and all Hux knows is he's annoyed with everyone's infatuation with this handsome intruder.





	Cinderella Dressed in Yella

**Author's Note:**

> So, fair warning to those who are squicked and triggered. Kylo insults Hux a lot based on his appearance and weight. If you're especially sensitive to such things, you may not want to proceed. 
> 
> At any rate, I wanted at least one fic for Hux Day, so here it is.

Hux had mentioned the reason for all the ridiculous rules, but Kylo was struggling to remember them.  First Order socials were… curious, to say the least.  Growing up in the New Republic, the point of them was to form bonds and make connections that could be of use later.  The First Order seemed to be the opposite.  The aim wasn’t so much to meet people, since their crews were so tightly knit that they knew everyone already, but to let off steam.  Just one night where everyone could heave a big sigh of relief, forget protocol, have a drink and relax for once. 

To do this, there was a set protocol.  Nothing on their clothes should indicate their rank so they could feel as if they could speak freely.  Names weren’t used either, and while this was horribly confusing for Kylo, Hux had explained that the reason was so officers could air grievances about each other without causing unnecessary conflict.  In the same way they could also ignore being addressed if they chose by pretending they didn’t know someone was talking to them.  It seemed to work.  From time to time Kylo heard a snippet of conversation.  “And then my superior said…”  “Well you won’t believe what this trooper…” 

Kylo supposed if someone was truly petty they could have the room bugged and painstakingly figure out just who each person meant by cross-checking incident reports and the ship’s registry.  That would be a lot of work though, and really, all the Supreme Leader wanted was to get reasonably buzzed then go to bed. 

He saw plenty of the usual faces, but nobody he wanted to talk to or dance with.  He took full advantage of the ‘no name’ policy and ignored anyone who hazarded to say hello.  When he thought about it, he really should have just stolen a bottle of wine or something else and brought it back to his room so he could drink alone without any of this nonsense.  He looked around for Hux and didn’t see him.  It figured.  Hux might have been idolized by younger officers but everyone over the age of forty hated him.  In order to minimize possibly being ignored and shamed publicly, he’d probably decided to hide in his quarters until the whole thing blew over. 

Kylo thought he spotted Hux a few times though.  His hair colour was so rare that whenever Kylo saw a bit of red amongst the blond and brunette officers his mind always jumped to the conclusion that it must be Hux.  It never was though.  On second examination the person was never Hux, and Kylo wondered why he paid the General any mind at all. 

During his perusal of the ship’s few redheads, he found one he liked much more than the General.  Kylo found Hux ugly, from his waxy skin to his plastered down hair to his bruised and reddened eyes.  His voice was shrill and obnoxious and the way he tried to pad out his clothes was pathetic.  Something about him always seemed filthy, like the General thought hair gel and deodorant was a way to cover up working day after day while forgoing showers. 

This redhead on the other hand was clean, his hair refreshingly free from product and his eyes were bright and rested.  Finally, something pretty to look at.  It was probably the booze talking… actually it was definitely the booze, but suddenly he felt like dancing, and the pretty boy who just walked in was going to be his partner. 

It wasn’t hard to get through the crowds, even with the ‘no name’ rule, people still knew who Kylo was and what he was capable of.  They parted to let him pass until he’d made his way right up to his prize.  He was even prettier up close.  A waifish, delicate thing with a soft jaw and wide eyes.  He probably worked in the science division in one of the thinktanks.  As if such a slender thing would last ten minutes with the Stormtroopers.  He looked up at Kylo with contempt, the way everyone had since the Resistance had escaped on Crait.  Kylo just looked down at him, smug, intrigued that this man kept eye contact and didn’t shrink away as Kylo came closer and closer, cutting into his personal space. 

“Come here,” said Kylo, wrapping a hand around the other man’s thin bicep. 

The man made a face, scrunching his nose and tightening his lips in disgust as he pulled back, snapping his arm away.  Kylo simply gripped it again and held on tighter.  He grinned, glad for a challenge, and ordered, “Dance with me.” 

The area around them had grown quiet, allowing the soft, string music to become much more audible around them.  The slighter man kept on glaring, kept on trying to wrestle his arm away and kept on thinking Kylo was going to let him get away.  Or… perhaps he should.  Laughing darkly, Kylo offered, “Alright, I’ll let you off if you have someone else waiting.” 

Judging from the sour way the man looked down, he didn’t.  Letting out a huff of laugher, Kylo watched him to stew in his embarrassment.  He decided to twist the knife, “Maybe someone will cut in?” 

Nobody moved or came to his defense.  Kylo let out a light scoff and allowed the slighter man to truly regret turning him down.  Kylo would be back though.  He’d allow the man to think he’d been let off the hook, think that he’d been left alone.  As the man bought into his new sense of safety and moved on an older officer seemed to have volunteered as his escort and ushered him to a table to get a drink.  Who was he…Hux’s shadow, Peavey, that was his name.  Though Kylo could hardly imagine Peavey taking care of Hux at all.  It was painfully obvious how much the Captain wanted the General dead. 

Nearly all attention was on the redhead after that.  That was when Kylo sensed something else buzzing in the room, apart from charm and slight arousal.  He felt confusion.  Who was he?  Who was this man?  Kylo glided through the room, trying to pick up thoughts.  It seemed nobody knew who this person was.  Most had deduced that he was an officer of some sort, judging by the way he carried himself.  Watching from afar the man did have a dignified air, and when he finally was asked for a dance and accepted, he did it by the book.  His technique was perfect, and Kylo agreed with the opinion that only an officer would have been trained in such etiquette. 

At any rate, between his mysterious identity and his flawless manners, the man had made an impression and had a number of men and women waiting in the wings to have a chance to dance with him.  Kylo allowed him to continue, to have his moment, to think he’d won.  It would end all too soon.  As soon as Kylo felt him relax, as soon as he thought he was free, he was going to swoop in and let his sense of security shatter all over again. 

It felt delicious when he walked onto the dance floor and stood menacingly by the man’s partner, stating, “I’m cutting in.” 

His partner, a young, jumpy, brunette lieutenant folded all too quickly.  He surrendered, nodding at the redhead and practically ran from Kylo.  The redhead stood his ground, looking sour again.  Kylo grabbed his hand and waist.  “Don’t look at me like that.” 

The man pulled back, but Kylo kept holding on, watching him glare up at him with outrage as he was pulled along in a mockery of a waltz.  He could take whatever he wanted, but sometimes it was fun to have to work for it a little.  The man kept struggling, hissing with effort as he tried to pull away with others looking on in discomfort.  Kylo pulled him in closer and found he had a pleasant scent.  The man smelled so clean and fresh, like a blank sheet of paper about to be marked up and ruined. 

“You’re not with anyone, I’d be doing you a favor if I took you home,” said Kylo.  Stars he was drunk, and _stars_ this man was pretty.

The teasing must have gone too far.  The man wrenched his hand free and drew it back, as if ready to slap him.  He stood there for a moment, weighing his options before slowly lowering his hand and balling it into a fist.  Visibly upset by the whole affair, he turned on his heels and made a beeline for the door. 

Kylo slurred after him, “Fine, nobody else wants you.  Go ahead and be alone forever.” 

   ***  

Hux swore he was never, ever going to another social again. 

He’d gone to so much effort.  He took a cycle off, rested up, cleaned himself thoroughly, and even dared to think that he didn’t look quite so bad as he usually did.  All he had wanted was to turn a few heads, be flirted with a little and feel good about himself.  It figured Ren would have to ruin it.  To top it all off, the Supreme Leader had infuriated him so much that he hadn’t been able to sleep at all, and in no time at all the bruising around his eyes was back. 

When his work shift finally came his hair had started to frizz again.  He sighed as he plastered down each and every flyaway into a regulation style.  It didn’t look good and Hux knew it, but it was better than having his hair sticking up like he’d just been electrocuted.  He supposed he didn’t need so much product.  If he washed his hair, parted it immediately and allowed it to dry and set into the style he wanted it would look much better.  Unfortunately, that took time, and greasing his hair took less than a minute. 

He didn’t have much to look forward to.  What happened at socials stayed at socials, so he didn’t expect anyone would offer him much sympathy.  He’d been shocked when Peavey of all people had escorted him to the refreshments table and poured him a cup of water to calm his nerves.  It was completely out of character for him, given their history, but Hux expected it would be held over his head in the future somehow. 

He double-checked his schedule after his morning exercise.  He had a meeting with several officers.  Just what he needed.  Hux tried to look dignified after his night of embarrassment, back straight and hands clasped behind his back to give the illusion of control.  He marched into the room, sat himself down and prepared some notes that he had compiled from engineering.  Slowly, others filed in, saluting before taking their seats and similarly preparing themselves.  It was for the best.  Hux didn’t want anyone bringing up their drunken Supreme Leader’s antics. 

For a while, everything seemed to be normal.  There was absolutely nothing remarkable brought up.  It was all business as usual.  It seemed yet another blow to his pride had been spared him. 

That was when Peavey spoke up, because of course Peavey had to be the one to bring it up… 

“There’s also the matter of last night’s affair,” he announced, and Hux wished, just for once, that he could put his fist through the man’s skull. 

“What of it?” asked Hux stiffly. 

“There have been rumours of a spy in attendance,” said Peavey, brushing off Hux’s irritation. 

Now that was something.  Hux hadn’t heard any such thing, but then, this was his first interaction with anyone since last night.  He arched his brow and repeated, “A spy?” 

“There was a man in attendance who none of our officers could identify,” explained Peavey, “There were several witnesses of an altercation and afterwards attempts were made to locate the injured party to ensure his safety.” 

Mitaka spoke up next, projecting a holo mosaic of a few score of individuals, Hux included.  The lieutenant continued, “Based on physical description, our system narrowed down possible matches, but when we show them to witnesses they claim none of them are the man in question.” 

“What were the search parameters?” asked Hux, fixating on his official identification photograph.  Goodness it was hideous!  A neutral expression and awful, sunken eyes. 

“Male, red-haired, approximately five-feet ten-inches to six-feet two-inches tall, weighing approximately one hundred and sixty to one hundred and ninety pounds,” explained Mitaka. 

So he was a tall, thin, red-haired male.  No wonder Hux had made that list.  Hux looked over the rest of the officers who fit that description and sighed, “Wasn’t there anything else?  A defining mark that could possibly narrow the search?” 

“We’re conducting interviews, but nobody’s mentioned anything,” said Unamo.  She let out a slight sigh and admitted, “Except that the man was remarkably handsome.” 

“Handsome?” Hux repeated. 

Unamo, took out her datapad and scrolled through a multitude of witness statements, “That’s what they say.  Beyond the basics, all anyone will say is that he was very handsome, or some variation of that.” 

“I suppose we should start from the beginning.  The Supreme Leader assaulted this man?” asked Hux.  He had no trouble believing that.  Just that night Ren had grabbed him and insulted him in front of his crew, why not some other man as well?  Hux knew Ren was fully capable of escalating into violence. 

“He got his hands on him, yes,” confirmed Peavey. 

“What happened after that?” asked Hux. 

“He left,” said Mitaka, glancing at Unamo’s datapad as if to confirm his answer, “He left and then a few of us thought that we ought to make sure he was alright.” 

“That’s very decent of you,” said Hux, recalling bitterly how nobody had come to find _him_ afterwards.

“I was with the party that decided to search for him.  When we asked droids and staff if anyone had seen a man matching that description, they couldn’t assist us,” said Mitaka. 

“It’s a fairly vague description,” said Hux, “Has there been no other evidence?” 

“This,” said Thannison, projecting the image of an officers’ glove, “He got a drink at some point, and seems to have left behind a glove.” 

Hux resisted the urge to groan, “It’s standard issue and could probably fit anyone…Is it being tested against our databanks?” 

“It is…though it’s been contaminated.  It was passed around quite a bit before it was taken as evidence,” admitted Mitaka. 

“So, let me get this straight,” began Hux, trying to get the whole story straight, “An unknown man walked in, was accosted by the Supreme Leader, fled the scene and left his glove behind.  Then instead of alerting security to any of this, you passed around the evidence like a gaggle of hormonal subadults?”

“He, uh, was quite pretty…” said Mitaka, letting out an awkward laugh to try to cover his blunder, “And we had been drinking.” 

“There must have been something that would give him away as a spy,” protested Hux. 

“On the contrary, sir,” countered Peavey, “He was the perfect model of an officer.  Fine and elegant, even in the face of adversity.  Even without uttering a word he commanded the respect and admiration of all in attendance.  Some of our young officers might learn something from him despite his unfortunate alignment.” 

“So pretty than even Captain Peavey forgot protocol?  I find that hard to believe,” scoffed Hux bitterly, “Have the Supreme Leader and security been alerted to a potential spy?” 

“Security has,” said Unamo. 

There was a long silence and nobody spoke.  Hux glanced into each officer’s eyes and waited for a second half to the statement that never came.  Of course Ren hadn’t been informed.  Of course none of them had wanted to do it themselves for fear of being thrown into a wall.  Hux growled out between gritted teeth, “I suppose that honour has been left to me, has it?” 

“He had been drinking as well.  We weren’t certain of protocol…” said Mitaka, trailing off fretfully. 

Hux couldn’t exactly blame them for that.  If Ren threw them into consoles and walls on a good day, then it stood to reason that he would be worse if he had a hangover.  Hux sighed and wrote out a message on his datapad.  He informed Ren that there was an emergency situation and he would be coming by to discuss it shortly.  If Ren wasn’t awake and dressed by the time Hux arrived, he was fully prepared to kick in the door.  The safety of the Order and those on board the ship came before their Supreme Leader’s self-inflicted illness. 

“You’re all dismissed.  Captain Peavey, you will accompany me,” said Hux.  He would need backup in case Ren knocked him out in a fit of anger.  Someone would have to give the message if he was unconscious.  Though if he was lucky, Ren would remember Hux was a General and attack whoever was unfortunate enough to accompany him. 

The Captain gave an irate sigh and made no attempt to hide his disdain.  Hux wished he could be just as outwardly contemptible and slap him upside the head.  Perhaps another time… 

   ***  

It turned out he didn’t need to kick any doors in, but Ren wasn’t looking particularly good.  He was bleary eyed, drowsy and looked like he was about to murder the first person who brought him any bad news.  Hux reminded himself that this wasn’t his fault.  The evidence had been contaminated and security hadn’t done its job properly.  It figured he took one night off to try to enjoy himself and everything fell to shambles. 

Ren had a cold-pack held tight against his forehead to alieviate his headache when Hux began, keeping his voice low to avoid aggravating him, “Supreme Leader, I’ve been informed that we have a situation.” 

“What?” groaned Ren, his gaze all malice and daggers. 

Hux ignored it, “I’ve been informed that we may have had a spy onboard during last night’s festivities.  Launch bays have been locked down to ensure nobody leaves without clearance.” 

Ren continued to grumble and groan to himself, so Hux hazarded, “I’ve also been informed you assaulted him?” 

The Supreme Leader opened one eye up again and glanced at Hux curiously.  Hux recited the description, “Tall, red-haired, male, slight build…and I’ve been told unusually handsome.” 

“Oh, _him_ ,” said Ren, his interest finally piqued, “I thought he was from the science division.” 

“Nobody’s been able to identify him.  I was hoping that you might be able to give a better description, since you were in close contact with him,” said Hux. 

Ren grinned, and when Ren grinned Hux knew nothing good was going to come of it.  The Supreme Leader rose, tossing his cold-pack aside onto the throne room floor without regard for who would pick it up.  He approached with a wolfish smile and said, “Well, he looked a little like you.” 

Hux arched his brow.  He refused to take the bait.  He knew that Ren was hoping he would say something so Hux would humiliate himself.  He kept himself stone-faced as Ren came closer, stretching a hand out and brushing an imaginary strand of hair from Hux’s eyes, “Same red-hair, same height, same eye-colour.” 

When Hux still refused to speak, Ren delivered his punch line, “Except he wasn’t ugly.” 

Peavey suddenly stiffened, which wasn’t like him at all.  He never showed concern when Hux was in danger in the past, the incident from last night aside.  Hux lowered his voice, “I’m being serious.  This isn’t going to help us.” 

“Sure it will,” said Ren, tracing his finger over Hux’s face, “Have the composite artist take your image, get rid of these eye-bags, take the gunk out of your hair, brighten your face, give you a lip shade that’s pronounced but doesn’t make you look like you sucked dick for your rank, and we’ll have our man.” 

All of the comments stung horribly, mostly because aside from the dick sucking accusation it was all true.  Ren sneered and added, “Oh, and maybe eat a sandwich.  Or maybe you don’t need it judging from all those extra chins.  I’m really not sure if you’re too thin or too fat with all your padding.” 

“I’m being serious,” Hux repeated more quietly, “That’s enough…” 

“I’m being serious too.  He looked like you, except unlike him, you’re ugly,” said Ren with a satisfied smirk, “Now I want you to take my description to the composite artists and have a rendering drawn up.  I’ll go over the results when they’ve finished to make sure it’s accurate.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” said Hux, trying to keep the venom and disheartenment out of his voice. 

“Remember,” said Ren, feigning seriousness, “Order them to draw you, but not a disgusting eyesore, and I want the sketch when they finish.”  

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Hux repeated more irately, “I’m sure we’ll have the spy in custody shortly.” 

“By the way, when you do catch him, I’d like a moment with him,” said Ren. 

Hux stared at the Supreme Leader, dumbfounded, “We’re going to have him executed as soon as he’s apprehended!” 

“Yeah, but before that, you’ll hook me up, right?” asked Ren. 

Hux stared at him, his mouth slack at the absurdity of it.  Ren looked at him expectantly, wanting an answer to his obscene request.  Unable to refuse, Hux replied, “Yes…Supreme Leader…” 

“Good.  You’re dismissed, General,” said Ren smugly.  He glanced over Hux’s shoulder and asked, “What’s wrong with him?” 

Peavey was as white as a sheet and looked ready to faint.  He kept looking at Hux, his expression full of a incomparably deep horror that none could fully fathom.  Hux arched his brow.  Peavey had taken sick-leave once or twice before, but nothing had ever come on this fast before. If he had something Hux hoped it wasn’t catching. 

“Captain?” asked Hux. 

“Begging your pardon, but I suddenly feel very unwell,” said Peavey, who looked like he was about to double over and throw up on the floor. 

“Well…you’re dismissed,” said Hux incredulously.  Even Ren seemed taken aback by the sudden onset of the illness. 

Peavey nodded and gave Hux a look that was equal parts disgust and disbelief before he saluted and excused himself.  Ren arched his brow and spoke seriously for the first time that day, “Make sure that spy didn’t spread some sort of contagion…” 

All Hux could do was nod.  The whole affair was getting stranger by the second.

  *** 

Hux wanted to think that he’d recovered from Ren’s insults, but if he did that he wouldn’t be honest.  He followed orders, wanting to get them out of the way as quickly as possible, and then went about his way.  The words stuck to him like cobwebs though.  A list of all his physical flaws that he had always known about but never vocalized.  He never spoke of them as if they might go away if he said nothing about it.  They didn’t go away though, and it turned out Ren had always been aware of them.  He knew the knight didn’t like him, but the added knowledge that the Supreme Leader considered him an eyesore weighed more heavily on him than he wanted to admit. 

Who else considered him to be so?  Hux knew the majority of older officers hated him, did they think he was ugly as well?  His face, though heavily made up and edited, was used in propaganda materials, and that was the face that younger officers became enamoured with, not his natural, flawed face.  There were so many things he disliked about himself, from his inability to gain muscle mass to the large freckle on the side of his face.  He’d considered getting rid of it, but knew if he did others would notice and know he wasted funds on a vanity surgery.  So he kept it and convinced himself that someone might see it as a beauty mark. 

No matter how many times he saw it though, he knew it wasn’t a dark, singular, eye catching mole near the corner of his eye or mouth.  It was a large brown splatter on the side of his cheek in a place nobody would have found attractive.  He might as well face facts, he wasn’t attractive at all. 

Being the glutton for punishment that he was, he lay on his cot, uniform neatly put away, looking up at two images side by side.  He never received a copy of the picture than Ren ordered to be made, he didn’t want it.  Instead he compared his identification holo with one from a propaganda reel.  The difference was noticeable at once.  In truth, he might as well have been looking at two very different people.  One had a sharp jaw and lightly coloured lips.  His eyes were sharp and clear from signs of stress and fatigue.  His hair had been darkened to a rich auburn instead of obnoxious orange.  His body was clearly made to look bigger, stronger, more fleshed out on a tall frame. 

The other was skinny, useless, shrunken and ugly.  Slapping his hand on the datapad, the pictures disappeared, leaving Hux staring at the ceiling, unable to shake the awful truth.  He was ugly, everyone knew it, and everyone did their best to hide it in the holos they used of him to promote the Order.

‘They might as well hire an actor,’ Hux thought bitterly to himself.  If they were going to such lengths to change his appearance, an imposter might have been cheaper. 

He felt a light, familiar pressure on the bed and soon felt a small body flop against his leg.  Using his stomach muscles to avoid moving his feet, Hux hunched forward to see Millicent curled up against him.  At least she didn’t care how he looked.  He could have half of his face blown off in a fire-fight and Millicent would still cuddle up and purr for him.  She hadn’t settled close enough for petting, but Hux didn’t want to disturb her.  It was nice knowing that she was there. 

His thoughts turned back to Peavey before he got sick.  He had said that the spy was the model of what an officer should be, heavily implying Hux ought to shape up.  After being dressed down by Ren, it was hard not to imagine that his appearance played a part in that.  Just because some spy was better looking than him didn’t mean he would have been a better General.  Hux worked hard for his position, so hard that his appearance suffered for it.  Didn’t that mean anything? 

Perhaps it didn’t.  Perhaps for some people looks would always play a significant role in how they discerned a person’s value.  And… he _was_ ugly. 

Thin, useless, he might as well add ugly to the list.  It wasn’t as if things could get any worse. 

   ***  

Kylo received Hux’s picture and didn’t open it at first.  He snorted though, imagining Hux giving his exact specifications to the artist to be rendered.  The General had looked pathetic.  Kylo knew that despite Hux clearly being the most disgustingly kempt officer in the First Order, he was foolish enough to think he was a slim, imposing figure.  It felt good to set him straight and remind him of what an awful little cockroach he was. 

Peavey getting sick had been a shock though.  Hux’s shadow irately followed him around and served him as they waited for a chance to be rid of each other.  Kylo hadn’t known him to have a weak immune system or any fond feelings for the General.  And yet as Kylo berated Hux, Peavey suddenly paled and looked very, very ill.  He’d been assured that there was nothing in the air.  Nobody else had suddenly fallen ill and run off to the medical bay, making Peavey a one-off oddity. 

When he finally got a moment to himself he decided to have a look at the picture.  In his chambers he opened it, a holo springing to life in front of him. 

To his shock, the beautiful young man from the night before was glowing blue in front of him. 

Kylo paused, taking in his features.  On close inspection, Hux’s image was obviously the base, but it looked nothing like Hux.  The height, and admittedly the shape of his face was the same, though little else was the same.  For comparison Kylo brought up Hux’s identification and overlaid the two.  His features were a perfect match but…but how… 

How had Hux been able to look like a completely different person?  How had Hux been dumb enough not to realize he was the ‘spy?’  Kylo went back to his first question.  Was this really what Hux looked like after a shower and a decent night’s sleep? 

That was when he remembered the glove.  Hux had very small hands for a person his size.  The best way to prove Hux was the ‘spy’ was to have every red-haired officer try on the glove.  Kylo was confident that the General was the only one who it would fit perfectly.  He quickly drew up the list of officers that had been sent to him in the case file.  There were a few hundred of them, with red-hair being quite rare and the weight and height of the suspect whittling down that number.  It took a while, but he sent a message out to all of them, as well as the head of the investigation to bring the glove to him.  If the sample had been contaminated, it would do no harm to have all the officers try it on to rule them out definitively. 

Slowly, replies trickled in.  The glove would be sent to him and the officers would present themselves to try on the glove under his watch.  Kylo was confident in the result though, as he looked at both versions of Hux.  He had slim wrists and slender fingers.  Chances were there would only be one fit, and it would be him. 

Now the question was, how to deal with Hux?  No doubt he’d heard all sorts of stories about the beautiful spy, and Kylo wasn’t about to shower him with the praise he desperately craved.  There had to be potential in this.  Of course, he couldn’t deny Hux was pretty after a little sleep and a bath.  It was still an embarrassing situation.  Hux scouring the ship for himself for a full day.  That ought to be enough to put Hux down.  But there was still the matter of Hux finding out just how good he looked… 

He would figure it out.  For now, he had to wait for Hux to answer his summons. 

   ***  

This was the last thing he wanted.  He’d had a hard day and didn’t want to deal with Ren.  Unfortunately, one of them was the Supreme Leader and the other wasn’t, obliged to follow the orders he was given.  He was to go to the throne room and try on the glove that had been submitted as evidence.  It was ridiculous, but there wasn’t much he could do about it.  All there was for it was to do as he was told quickly so he could go back to laying in bed with Millicent and feeling sorry for himself. 

He arrived in time to see an officer with the glove hanging off of his fingers, unable to clasp the button around his palm.  He gave the Supreme Leader a confused look before he was excused to return to duty.  After being waived away, he put the glove aside and gave Hux a hurried salute on his way out.

“Ah, General, it’s about time,” said Ren, rising and taking the glove from the pedestal that had been brought in for it.  He tossed the glove at Hux, “Try it on.” 

Hux caught it one handed and glanced down at it.  He had several pair like it, and had worn a similar one, but he wasn’t the spy.  He glanced up at Ren as he took off his own glove, baring his hand so he could put on the other one. 

To his surprise, it fit, and looked like a perfect match.  It was as if it had come straight from his wardrobe. 

“Looks like I found your glove,” said Ren. 

“It can’t be mine,” protested Hux. 

“I only danced with one person,” admitted Ren.  He gestured for Hux to approach, “So, you clean up alright after a few hours in a ‘fresher.” 

A slight flush rising to his cheeks, Hux muttered, “It doesn’t take that long.” 

“Show me,” said Ren. 

Hux stopped, completely blindsided.  It took him a moment to reply, “Wh-what?” 

“I said,” repeated Ren, as if he was asking Hux to open a file for him.  With a cruel grin he ordered, “Come to my quarters and show me how you do it.” 

“Absolutely not!” exclaimed Hux. 

“Alright, we’ll use yours,” conceded Ren. 

“That isn’t what I meant at all!” shouted Hux, “I’m not letting you watch me shower!” 

“And sleep,” added the Supreme Leader. 

“A- you- and _sleep!?”_ Hux spluttered angrily. 

“I’ve tolerated your disgraceful appearance long enough,” said Ren firmly, “Now that I know you’re capable of being more than a walking ball of grease, I’m not going to let your disgusting behaviour stand.  So, you’re going to show me you’re little transformation trick.  If I find the process can be improved upon, you’ll follow my suggestions to the letter.” 

“I don’t have time for this nonsense!” Hux shouted, “I have a ship to run!  I’m not going to play dress-up and makeover with you and I am especially not stripping down in front of-”

Ren raised his hand and Hux stopped cold.  He couldn’t feel the Force around him, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there, waiting to squeeze around his throat.  Hux realized the choice he was being given.  Do what Ren said or get strangled.  When sufficient time had passed, Ren smiled, “Good.  Now, behave and show me exactly how you do it.” 

Hux growled to himself and turned on his heels.  This was going to be a long night. 

   ***  

The General’s scowl didn’t leave his face for the whole evening.  It was a small mercy that the Academy system made him immune to the embarrassment that usually came with being naked in front of an observer.  Living in dorms, regular medical exams and communal showers had taken care of that.  He was angry that Ren was watching him strip though, and then sat back on the toilet, watching through the clear ‘fresher door as Hux scrubbed himself clean.  He ran some dry shampoo through his hair, rubbing it against his scalp and letting it and the sonic waves eliminate all of the oils and pomade that had accumulated there. 

It was a small mercy that Ren wasn’t making this as awful as he might have.  He could have held him still for inspection, taken pictures or given further commentary on his body, but he didn’t.  Instead he used his datapad to flick through messages, only occasionally glancing up at Hux to make certain he was still there, and patted Millicent’s back when she eventually walked in.  Hux was used to Millicent watching him shower, but having another onlooker joining in was unsettling. 

When he finished, Hux stepped out of the ‘fresher and used a towel to remove anything he might have missed.  Side-eyeing Ren as he pet his cat, Hux asked, “Satisfied?” 

“You look less like a drowned rat now,” admitted Ren, “So that’s your routine?”

“When I have time,” grumbled Hux, dressing himself in his underclothes. 

A tone sounded through the room and Hux immediately recognized it as the buzzer for his room.  Ren stood, “That’ll be for me.  I got something for you.” 

Hux couldn’t help cringing at that as he picked up his cat and moved to the bedroom.  At least it seemed like Ren wasn’t going to do anything perverted.  The worst he seemed interested in was teasing and humiliation.  Considering what a monster Ren usually was, Hux was genuinely surprised that molesting him hadn’t crossed the Supreme Leader’s mind.  He could at least sleep easy with the knowledge that the worst Ren might do was watch him and make him a touch uncomfortable. 

As he sat on the bed and held his cat, Ren tossed a packet at him.  He stared at Hux with his shit-eating grin as Hux slowly reached out and unwrapped it. 

It was a sandwich. 

“Good news, I’ve decided you’re not fat,” said Ren, “Eat it.” 

Hux glared up at him.  It was hardly the first time he’d been told to eat a sandwich, but this was the first time someone had thrown food at him.  After spending a childhood under siege it made his blood boil to think about someone tossing food about so carelessly, let alone distributing it outside of rations. 

He wasn’t going to let it go to waste though.  Hux unwrapped it the rest of the way and started eating it.  Millicent tried to steal some of the filling, which tasted like it was synthesized to be something like meat.  Rolling his eyes slightly, Hux decided to let her.  It was better than letting it rot. 

“So, is this your fetish?  Watching people eat after they shower?” asked Hux. 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” said Ren, “I’m just tired of looking at those repulsive ribs sticking out of your chest.”  He sniggered, looking Hux over, “And don’t get me started on the sickening way your collar bone pops out.” 

The wretched feeling that came with being told how thin he was tied Hux’s stomach in a knot and made eating all the more difficult.  He knew he should eat, he was far too thin, but the degradation made him feel like starving instead of eating more.  He finished one half and felt too miserable to finish the second, content to let Millicent eat it for him.  He was surprised she actually liked bread, but she ate it up eagerly. 

“I suppose that was the best you could do,” sighed Ren.  He pointed at the pillows, “Bed.  Make sure to get at least eight hours.” 

“Do you really have nothing better to do?” asked Hux. 

“What could be more important than the health of my General and the appearance of the First Order.  You’ve been disgracing us long enough,” said Ren.  Leaning in and grinning again he added, “Ugly.” 

Hux gripped the pillow underneath him and swung it, slapping him across the face with it.  He’d had enough.  He wasn’t going to take the verbal abuse anymore.  He shoved Ren back with the pillow and stared at him, panting slightly from the outburst.  Gritting his teeth he demanded, “I know I’m hideous!  Alright!?  Is that what you wanted from me!?” 

Ren laughed to himself and pushed the pillow out of the way, “Hardly.  I just don’t want a few accidental compliments to give you a swelled head.  Have I mentioned you have a big head?” 

“That’s enough!” shouted Hux, “What do you want from me!?  What do you expect me to say!?” 

“I made you an offer the other night, though I didn’t know it was you,” said Ren, slightly more serious, “I almost took you back to my chambers.  I was planning to personally… interrogate you.  I couldn’t recognize you at all.” 

“So you’ve got to redouble your efforts to insult me,” reasoned Hux, “How absolutely charming.” 

“It’s left an interesting predicament for me,” continued Ren, passing Hux’s pillow back to him, “Don’t you think?” 

Arching his brow, Hux watched as Ren crawled over the bed, looming over him.  He grinned and Hux glared up at him, “You’ve repeatedly insulted me, threatened me into showering in front of you, told me to eat a sandwich, and now you think I want to sleep with you?” 

“I don’t see any suitors lined up outside,” observed Ren. 

“Piss off,” snarled Hux. 

The Supreme Leader snorted and flopped beside Hux the way Millicent usually did, “If that’s how you want it.” 

Looking about and gathering his thoughts, Hux asked, “Are you really punishing me because you accidentally found me attractive while you were drunk?” 

“I’m trying to figure out what I’m to do with a troublesome General who turns out to have a quick-change act that baffled an entire ship,” said Ren. 

Hux felt a large arm circle his waist and pushed at it.  Ren insisted, “I’ve got to keep an eye on you all night.  Make sure you don’t switch with some droid or clone or long lost brother.  So tell me, if you have the option of not looking horrible, why do you let yourself go?” 

“I don’t have time,” protested Hux angrily, “Not with all the work I have to do.” 

“So, if you ate a bit more, had a little extra time to yourself, and an hour or two to sleep, you could look like that all the time?” asked Ren. 

“It wouldn’t be efficient, just come off it,” muttered Hux. 

“I don’t think you like looking like that,” said Ren. 

“An interesting theory…” Hux mumbled. 

“I can arrange to give you the time you need,” offered the Supreme Leader. 

Hux waited, and when Ren didn’t continue he asked, “Well, go on.  What’s the catch?” 

“You can’t tell me you don’t know the story.  An unknown girl at a ball loses a piece of clothing and a Prince has every eligible maiden in his kingdom try it on until he finds his prize,” recounted Ren, patting Hux’s arm in a way that seemed fond. 

Millicent settled herself on the bed as well.  She decided to settle herself by Hux’s stomach this time, her preferred side of the bed now occupied by a stranger.  Hux listlessly let his hand brush over her fur and thought the story over.  It must have been one from the Republic since he hadn’t heard it before.  So he was meant to be this mystery girl who Ren assumed he had a right to because a glove fit his hand. 

“If you don’t call me ugly for a month, I’ll think about it,” said Hux. 

Ren sounded as if he was ready to protest, so Hux cut him off, “I’m not even going to entertain the idea of leisure time with you unless you can go a month without unwanted comments about my appearance or weight.  If you can manage that, I’ll contemplate spending time with you.” 

“Again, I don’t see anyone else clamoring for your company,” scoffed Ren.

Hux remained firm, “If it’s something you truly want then you’ll show some effort, Supreme Leader.  Consider it a test of endurance rather than a competition.  No insults for a month, and I’ll _consider_ the request.  The longer you can manage, the better your chances, though you're starting at quite the disadvantage.” 

“I’m still going to send you sandwiches.  And how else am I supposed to remind you to rest so you don’t go back to looking like shit?” asked Ren. 

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” said Hux.  He couldn’t believe Ren expected that he could insult him repeatedly and so cuttingly, then have him at his beck and call.  If Ren wanted him than he would have to work for him.  He reminded the knight, “Because unlike your New Republic whores, I’m not eager and I’m not cheap.” 

Obviously Ren hadn’t expected to put any effort into this beyond threats.  It was clear that if the man wanted, he could take anything he wanted.  With his power it was fully possible for Ren to use his power to do all manner of things.  All Hux could do was attempt to enforce boundaries.  Afterall, Ren had gotten him to shower in front of him.  It was always possible… 

“One month, no insults, I’d say that’s plenty cheap,” said Ren, giving his arm another pat, “Considering what I would have paid for the man I saw last night.” 

Hux felt something in his stomach flutter involuntarily, “Was that a compliment?” 

“Don’t get too used the them,” Ren whispered in his ear.  

 

   Epilogue: 

 

Lieutenant Mitaka stared at the multitude of sandwiches littered across the deck.  There were hundreds of them stacked on each and every console.  Hux was furiously screaming that he couldn’t possibly eat them all into a comlink even if he shared with the entire bridge crew.  He leaned over to Captain Peavey, freshly returned from leave to, ‘rethink his whole life.’ 

“Wh-what’s happening, exactly sir?” asked Mitaka. 

“I believe this is what they call pigtail-pulling, lieutenant,” the Captain muttered ruefully, “And we’ll be lucky if it ends within a fortnight…” 


End file.
